i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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