Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
