im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
