Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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