i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
