we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
what day is it and did you see me today?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
