Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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