Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
