erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
