You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Randomize
