Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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