when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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