He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
