oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
