Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
