do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
