Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
