Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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