So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
