He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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