I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I think I won the penis lottery.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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