Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I have tasted many bathrooms
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
