i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
