If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
