I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
