oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I have feelings that need drinking.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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