i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
