If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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