i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
