You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
