It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
