I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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