she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize