The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
