Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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