I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
