So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I love you.
Bad choice
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
