I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
