Too much gin, very little bucket
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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