I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize