I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
