so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Everything about him screamed your future.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
