My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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