whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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