We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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