That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
