Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
