The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
