Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You're a waste of cheezeits
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
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