We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
