Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
