no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize