I wish I could teleport
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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