Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
