I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
tell me about the eggs
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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