dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
