Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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