Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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