Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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