I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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