Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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