He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Randomize
