gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
